Don't you Ever Hope too Much!
by Yaoi flame
Summary: After their parting, Byakuya still can't forget his beloved Renji. Rated M for language.


**VERY IMPORTANT AN:** It's been 3 months and I still love my ex...There was a whore from my former high school. She knew him. At the time, he despised her, as well as I did. But now, she's our **MUTUAL** friend on Facebook...The _**only one**_. I know that they'll screw one of these days if they already haven't.

Currently, my ex and I aren't in good relations. He refuses to see me. He says he still loves me, but that he's not the guy for me. Yet we remained some sort of pseudo-friends. I still love him and want him like a lunatic. And now when I saw _**that whore**_...His status still says 'single'. I think I wouldn't mind if he was in a relationship, but if I _ever_ see that his status has changed to 'in a relationship with_ The Whole Town Fucked Me'_**, **I'll die...Don't think I'm crazy. It's just that love has blinded me so badly that I really think I'll die...I'm so angry...I apologize.

The story is _based_ on my love story, but it is _not_ what happened in reality!!! Ok, it has some elements, but it is not taken literary form my lame life.

So, this fic came unplanned. I saw that horrible thing just a five minutes ago. It is inspired by...that horrid thing, that awful fact that made my guts clench and hurt terribly...Please be so kind and read this...and feedback is much appreciated.

Yours truly,

Sorrowful Yaoi flame

**Disclaimer:** I own only this story.

**Warnings:** OOC

**Alternate Universe**

**Don't you Ever Hope too Much**

He had been staring at the display for a good ten minutes, blinking. Was it _really_ the message from _that_ person?

'I thought he was dead. He never acknowledged that we broke up on my insisting.' Byakuya thought. It was so out of his character to feel pain in his abdomen with every letter he read. 'He never replied and never called ever since then.' His hands were shaking and he dropped the phone. 'Still, it is good that he's well.'

There was still that feeling of resentment in his mouth. For the first time, he had let himself fall in love. It was some years prior. He couldn't remember exactly when they had started dating, but he still recalled that it had all ended pointlessly. With one text message that he had sent, everything was over.

_Do you want us to meet?_

Byakuya still stared at the display. 'Of course I do!' he thought. But he didn't want to sound desperate, so he waited just a little more. He was looking for the correct words, the words which would show his indifference, his love that was fading. As if. His soul was marred by Renji, the crimson-haired demon towards whom Byakuya was still very affectionate.

When he had broken up, he felt so desperate, so alone, so abandoned by God, by people. He felt like every person who once loved and lost another due certain circumstances. He, who had never given into love and had never been defeated by it, had finally fallen. Like Troy. 'Do I want to see you? Yes, I do, I do want to see you!'

_If you want to, we could._

'It is indifferent enough.' He thought, and sent it. He knew that their relationship had suffered so much that it couldn't be fixed even if the divine creatures interfered. It was impossible for them to coexist as lovers again, for they would soon be at each other's throats because of their differences, Renji's carelesness, neglecting, and Byakuya's stubborness. But the dark haired man still hoped. His body was on fire when he read the message. 'I still want you.'

_Do you really want us to meet, Byakuya? Or is it whatever to you?_

'I definitely want us to meet! I still love you!' Byakuya was a masochist. No matter how far their disagreements had gone, how bad they fought, he loved him more and more. He wanted him more and more. Even after several months without any contact, his love was still there, frozen in his heart.

_I know it has always been whatever to you, Byakushi. Don't bother._

_No, Renji. It is fine. Let's meet tonight. _

_Ok. I will come to you tonight._

It had never been 'whatever' to him. He had always been the only pillar that supported their relationship. 'You're projecting your deeds on me, you bastard!'

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It wasn't surprise to him when he had discovered that Renji didn't want them to be together again. But still, deep down, he hoped.

"You know that I love you, Byakushi." Soft lips said, brushing against his sensitive ear shell. They were at Byakuya's, wrapped in white sheets soaked in sweat and warm semen.

Byakuya closed his eyes, wanting to believe in those words once again, yet he couldn't. Once upon a time, there was that statement that he treasured and that held so much meaning. Now, it was so empty, so mechanically said. A tear rolled down his, like corpse pale cheek. It was dark like in the tomb, so Renji couldn't see his tear. 'If you love me, why can't we try again..?' the raven haired man wondered, but he knew that he had done everything possible to preserve their bond. He hadn't been able do it all alone, so he had failed. Still, he was lulled by that silent hope, silent prayer, in which he pleaded the heavens to do the impossible. To make the broken doll dance one more time.

But the doll didn't have legs, so it couldn't dance. Nor did it have arms, nor wings to fly, no voice to express the pain and freedom, nor eyes to see the rebirth of something so special that had been gone so long ago.

"I hope that we could be like this forever." Renji whispered in his ear. "Every time we meet, my dearest friend, I want to embrace you like this...And hold you. And love you...No matter who my partner might be, I will cheat them with you. Only you. You're my constant." He claimed the pale man's trembling lips. Byakuya's heart shattered.

"Yes..." he whispered back. "Me as well." But he knew that he couldn't bear that burden.

"I can't wait to see you again, my love."

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A month had passed. Then another. Text messages had been rare, mostly sent from Byakuya's part first. Renji would reply briefly, sometimes adding a nickname.

Byakuya's body burned from desire every time he thought about the redhead. Renji was like a drug.

_How about coming here, Renji? Does the idea of sex sound good to you?_

At least sex, if nothing else.

_I can't. I'm sorry, Byakkun. But sex with you always sounds great._

Days had passed.

_How about you just come around for a five minutes?_

_Sorry, I can't. I have some things to do._

Love was still there, but it rented a bit of space to despise. 'So I'm not even your fuck toy anymore.' Byakuya thought bitterly, trying to cheer himself with drawing. But he failed miserably.

A few days later, he witnessed that Matsumoto Rangiku was hanging out with Renji a lot. Currently as friends. Rangiku was Byakuya's old acquaintance who had helped him with math several times during hight school. She still had the reputation of boyfriend stealer and local spacious-enough-for-you-to-put-your-thingie-in. Agh! He bit his lower lip, realizing all Renji's reasons for not wanting to see him.

'But we both hated her!' he thought. Once again, he was defeated by Renji. No matter how much he tried to end up as a winner, he was constantly losing battles. The battles very important to him. 'I'm losing my mind...'

Deep inside, he cut all the ties with Renji. But his heart still ached. He was desolate. And yet he still loved the redhead.

He was wandering the empty streets, desperately trying not to suffocate from the awful scent the air carried. The scent of million microscopic drops that the rain had left behind.

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THE END

**AN:** Please tell me what you think about the story! Please make me cheerful just a bit.


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